Sometimes you don't know what to pray over your children. It just seems like everything you do or say can't possibly cover everything that they will face. Luckily, I don't have to be everything to my son. That is what God is for. There are going to be things in his life that leave wounds and holes and will leave him incomplete. But it is not my job to try to be his completeness. My job is to point him towards the source of completeness-- God. And to help me remember what my job is, I listen to this song on repeat at least 10x/week. Honestly ...
"Baby, I'm afraid you're a lot like me.
You can't help feeling everything.
I can see you trying to hold it in.
I see your eyes and your trembling chin.
And for you and myself I will pray -
that our weakness becomes our strength.
Baby, there's some holes you just can't fill ...
You try and try, but you never will!
Baby, I believe a God who can!
He loves the boy and He'll love the man!
and for you and myself I will pray
that our weakness will become our strength."
Sara Groves
Song: A Lot Like Me
Album: Station Wagon
7.19.2010
7.13.2010
He Loves Us!
I was reminded last night that God really loves us ...
For some reason, it is hard for me to accept that sometimes. I think it's because I am kinda a perfectionist and all I can see is how FAR I need to go yet. But realizing that God loves us beyond what we do/don't do for Him is kinda far-reaching for my brain sometimes.
I just asked God to show me how much He loved me. I just wanted to have a glimpse of it. As I was talking to Him, I just received this picture of MTM sleeping in his bed and me standing there watching him. It's one of those things as a Mommy that I love to do -- nightly!
Some nights I creep into his bedroom and sit on the floor and just listen to him sleep. Some nights I simply kiss his sweet cheek and breathe deeply to smell his sweetness. Other nights, I sweep the hair off his forehead and whisper "Do you KNOW how much I love you?". Some nights he lays there in peaceful oblivion when I ask that question. Other nights, he half-awakes and nods his head "yes". Which always makes me laugh inside, because the kid has NO idea how much I love him. How much I would do for him. How long I have loved him. What I would be willing to do for him with no questions asked, nothing expected in return.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. How much MORE does God love me? More than I could ever even begin to love MTM. He stands over us and watches us sleep. He breathes in our sweetness. He wipes the days worries off of our forehead and asks us, "Do you even KNOW how much I love you?" and sometimes we are oblivious to His question and other times, we respond with a sleepy nod that makes God smile too.
I let the whole image wash over me. I received the idea of God's love. It made me understand Him more and made me appreciate Him more and made me realize that I truly can never understand His love for me ... But I know He does. And yesterday, that is just what I needed ...
38I am sure that nothing can separate us from God's love--not life or death, not angels or spirits, not the present or the future, 39and not powers above or powers below. Nothing in all creation can separate us from God's love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!
Romans 8:38-39
(Contemporary English Version)
For some reason, it is hard for me to accept that sometimes. I think it's because I am kinda a perfectionist and all I can see is how FAR I need to go yet. But realizing that God loves us beyond what we do/don't do for Him is kinda far-reaching for my brain sometimes.
I just asked God to show me how much He loved me. I just wanted to have a glimpse of it. As I was talking to Him, I just received this picture of MTM sleeping in his bed and me standing there watching him. It's one of those things as a Mommy that I love to do -- nightly!
Some nights I creep into his bedroom and sit on the floor and just listen to him sleep. Some nights I simply kiss his sweet cheek and breathe deeply to smell his sweetness. Other nights, I sweep the hair off his forehead and whisper "Do you KNOW how much I love you?". Some nights he lays there in peaceful oblivion when I ask that question. Other nights, he half-awakes and nods his head "yes". Which always makes me laugh inside, because the kid has NO idea how much I love him. How much I would do for him. How long I have loved him. What I would be willing to do for him with no questions asked, nothing expected in return.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. How much MORE does God love me? More than I could ever even begin to love MTM. He stands over us and watches us sleep. He breathes in our sweetness. He wipes the days worries off of our forehead and asks us, "Do you even KNOW how much I love you?" and sometimes we are oblivious to His question and other times, we respond with a sleepy nod that makes God smile too.
I let the whole image wash over me. I received the idea of God's love. It made me understand Him more and made me appreciate Him more and made me realize that I truly can never understand His love for me ... But I know He does. And yesterday, that is just what I needed ...
38I am sure that nothing can separate us from God's love--not life or death, not angels or spirits, not the present or the future, 39and not powers above or powers below. Nothing in all creation can separate us from God's love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!
Romans 8:38-39
(Contemporary English Version)
7.07.2010
Things that tick me off:
-- The IRS and their continuous efforts to try and jip us out of our tax returns.
-- BP whining about the $20 Billion escrow fund. If I even started down this road, you would have to duct tape my mouth shut.
-- Nosey people. You know who you are.
-- Controlling people. You should know who you are.
-- Nosey People who are Passively Aggressively Controlling. The worst kind of people on earth-- especially if you have to EVER work with this kind of person. And I have before ...
-- Never Ending laundry piles.
Okay, there is my rant for the week.
-- The IRS and their continuous efforts to try and jip us out of our tax returns.
-- BP whining about the $20 Billion escrow fund. If I even started down this road, you would have to duct tape my mouth shut.
-- Nosey people. You know who you are.
-- Controlling people. You should know who you are.
-- Nosey People who are Passively Aggressively Controlling. The worst kind of people on earth-- especially if you have to EVER work with this kind of person. And I have before ...
-- Never Ending laundry piles.
Okay, there is my rant for the week.
7.02.2010
Happy 4th PEEPS!!!
Soo... I love 4th of July ... I mean love, Love, LOVE IT!!!!!
Love it beyond New Year's Day and Mother's Day and Easter and Thanksgiving and Christmas and every other holiday in between. It's my favorite!
Fav-OH-rite!!!!!
And I know it's to celebrate America's freedom from tyranny. And I'm not saying that I'm not patriotic, but the reason behind the holiday is not why I am so enthralled with it.
Fourth Of July is intriguing and magical and mesmerizing for all of it's own reasons.
Most of the time, I recall being on the shore of a lake, holding a charcoal-grilled bratwurst as the magic of the fireworks reverberates thru every hair follicle. Looking over to see friends and family cuddle under blankets and share laughs. It seems so sacred, so untouchable, so ... unexplainable.
Which is why, THIS year-- THIS July THEE Fourth in the year Twenty-Ten, I will FINALLY get to bring an adorable and amazing, sweet little boy -- with sun kissed cheeks, chubby little fingers, and hair that still smells like chlorine-- and introduce him to the intriguing, magical and mesmerizing display that is 4th Of July!
I am so excited and happy people ... I am not even kidding.
Happy 4th to all of you! May you enjoy the holiday for whatever it means to you ....
Love it beyond New Year's Day and Mother's Day and Easter and Thanksgiving and Christmas and every other holiday in between. It's my favorite!
Fav-OH-rite!!!!!
And I know it's to celebrate America's freedom from tyranny. And I'm not saying that I'm not patriotic, but the reason behind the holiday is not why I am so enthralled with it.
Fourth Of July is intriguing and magical and mesmerizing for all of it's own reasons.
Most of the time, I recall being on the shore of a lake, holding a charcoal-grilled bratwurst as the magic of the fireworks reverberates thru every hair follicle. Looking over to see friends and family cuddle under blankets and share laughs. It seems so sacred, so untouchable, so ... unexplainable.
Which is why, THIS year-- THIS July THEE Fourth in the year Twenty-Ten, I will FINALLY get to bring an adorable and amazing, sweet little boy -- with sun kissed cheeks, chubby little fingers, and hair that still smells like chlorine-- and introduce him to the intriguing, magical and mesmerizing display that is 4th Of July!
I am so excited and happy people ... I am not even kidding.
Happy 4th to all of you! May you enjoy the holiday for whatever it means to you ....
6.28.2010
The Scariest Thing I Will Ever Do ...
Being a parent is one of the scariest things I have ever done.
No. Scratch that.
Being a parent IS the scariest thing I have ever done.
I wasn't scared when I married B. I knew I loved him. I knew he loved me. We were awesome together. It was GOING to work.
Parenting doesn't work like that.
You receive this little bundle in your arms. And there you sit. Staring at each other with blank expressions. Wondering how it's all gonna' pan out. Hoping and praying it DOES pan out!
For the first few weeks of M's life, I constantly asked B, "Do you think he likes us? Do you think he likes us? Do you REALLY think he LIKES us?" I will never forget the first time I got a smile out of the little man. I exclaimed, "HE LIKES ME!!! HE REALLY REALLY LIKES ME!!!" It was one of the moments in life where you want to run around like a champion and scream out how awesome you are. (Note to self: Remember this story when teenage M is running around telling me he, in fact, does NOT love me, much less like me!!!)
I have realized though, that even WHEN M looks me square in the eyes, tells me he hates me and wants nothing to do with me -- it will not change my love for him. It will not change the fact that I still love that stinky boy-- for all he ever was and ever will become. It will not change the fact that my love will not waver-- despite what he ever does to hurt or disappoint me. I LOVE HIM!!! THAT will never change.
What an amazing picture of how God views us, His children!
Since becoming a Mommy, there have been moments where I have realized that God is truly the perfect parent to us. He always know what to say, what not to say, when to give us what we want, and when to just put our temper-tantrum-ing self to bed with no dinner! He is truly predictable in his unpredictability and (to us humans) unpredictable in his predictability.
I am constantly striving to be a better parent. I read all the latest parenting books. I make sure my son is "on track" and learning what he needs to. But, I'm not going to stop there. I don't want to parent only how Dr. Spock or the latest craze tells me to parent.
I am constantly striving to be a Godly parent. Not just trying to overcome my fears, flaws and failures by reflecting God's work in my life. (The Good Lord knows I have had MORE than a few of these rack up, even in these 2 1/2 short years) But be a Godly parent by actually pointing M to the most perfect parent He could ever meet-- God Himself. The One who can fill all the empty places me and B leave open. The One who has been there when He has gotten made fun of or rejected. The One who can answer those deep, gut-wrenching questions that would leave me standing there in silence. The One who will be predictably unpredictable. The One who will be unpredictably predictable. The ONLY One who can show Him what a perfect parent truly is.
And maybe someday when M shows up at our house with our first grandbaby and asks "Do you think she likes me?? Do you REALLY think she LIKES me?", I can smile and know that he finally understands why parenting is the scariest thing he will EVER do!!!!
No. Scratch that.
Being a parent IS the scariest thing I have ever done.
I wasn't scared when I married B. I knew I loved him. I knew he loved me. We were awesome together. It was GOING to work.
Parenting doesn't work like that.
You receive this little bundle in your arms. And there you sit. Staring at each other with blank expressions. Wondering how it's all gonna' pan out. Hoping and praying it DOES pan out!
For the first few weeks of M's life, I constantly asked B, "Do you think he likes us? Do you think he likes us? Do you REALLY think he LIKES us?" I will never forget the first time I got a smile out of the little man. I exclaimed, "HE LIKES ME!!! HE REALLY REALLY LIKES ME!!!" It was one of the moments in life where you want to run around like a champion and scream out how awesome you are. (Note to self: Remember this story when teenage M is running around telling me he, in fact, does NOT love me, much less like me!!!)
I have realized though, that even WHEN M looks me square in the eyes, tells me he hates me and wants nothing to do with me -- it will not change my love for him. It will not change the fact that I still love that stinky boy-- for all he ever was and ever will become. It will not change the fact that my love will not waver-- despite what he ever does to hurt or disappoint me. I LOVE HIM!!! THAT will never change.
What an amazing picture of how God views us, His children!
Since becoming a Mommy, there have been moments where I have realized that God is truly the perfect parent to us. He always know what to say, what not to say, when to give us what we want, and when to just put our temper-tantrum-ing self to bed with no dinner! He is truly predictable in his unpredictability and (to us humans) unpredictable in his predictability.
I am constantly striving to be a better parent. I read all the latest parenting books. I make sure my son is "on track" and learning what he needs to. But, I'm not going to stop there. I don't want to parent only how Dr. Spock or the latest craze tells me to parent.
I am constantly striving to be a Godly parent. Not just trying to overcome my fears, flaws and failures by reflecting God's work in my life. (The Good Lord knows I have had MORE than a few of these rack up, even in these 2 1/2 short years) But be a Godly parent by actually pointing M to the most perfect parent He could ever meet-- God Himself. The One who can fill all the empty places me and B leave open. The One who has been there when He has gotten made fun of or rejected. The One who can answer those deep, gut-wrenching questions that would leave me standing there in silence. The One who will be predictably unpredictable. The One who will be unpredictably predictable. The ONLY One who can show Him what a perfect parent truly is.
And maybe someday when M shows up at our house with our first grandbaby and asks "Do you think she likes me?? Do you REALLY think she LIKES me?", I can smile and know that he finally understands why parenting is the scariest thing he will EVER do!!!!
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