My sweet little man was driving his "Vroom-Vroom" (aka: Four-wheeler Power Wheels) around the cul-de-sac at my in-laws last night. It was one of those nights outside where it seems perfect.
The sun was just about to set, and it was the warm-cool temperature that comes at dusk in the summer. The birds were singing songs to each other and the grasshoppers and crickets were beginning their nightly calls.
MTM wanted to drive around the cul-de-sac "like a big boy" so he told me exactly where to stand on the side of the road. (He didn't want me to cramp his style, apparently.)
I watched him take off rolling and imagined the first time he would drive away in a real car. It's hard to even imagine it now ... but I know that moment is less than 13 precious years away. And I thought about how quickly they will go ...
In that moment, it was almost like he heard my thoughts because he turned around from his intense focus on driving and flashed me a big thumbs up with the sweetest smile one could ever even imagine. His sweaty hair was peeking out from underneath his shiny black helmet and his little toddler legs were placed perfectly on the red plastic.
I smiled back.
He stopped his Vroom Vroom and yelled back, "No Momma! You gotta do THIS!" and showed me a very grand thumbs up.
I smiled again.
"OKAY! I Got it!" I hollered back and flashed him my thumb.
He started driving again and a few seconds later, he turned back and flashed his thumbs up again. I gave him a thumbs up back.
"Yes Momma, like that!" he nodded to me and gave that sweet, amazing smile again and kept driving.
Every few minutes, he would turn to where I was and we would have to share a thumbs up before he would go on.
It is one of those moments that when it's happening you think, "I need to soak this up. It is perfection on Earth!"
I did all the soaking my thumbs could do.
It was perfection. Perfection on Earth. And I hope that the first time he drives out of the driveway, I will flash him the thumbs up and remember this sweet boy how he is now.
5.06.2011
4.30.2011
A Commoner becoming ROYALTY
Yesterday was the Royal Wedding. I actually caught most of it online yesterday, but this afternoon it was being replayed on Public TV, so of course-- I tuned in to catch the real deal ... just a day late.
It's not everyday that a real life fairy-tale makes its way onto your Television set. I watched the crowds surge with excitement. I watched the arrivals of dignitaries and celebrities to the church. I watched the self-assured groom drive through the crowded streets and carry himself up the long aisle to wait for his Bride. I watched the flower girls and boys walk in -- obviously not aware of how many people were watching their every move. I watched as the Royal Family drove through the streets -- waving at their adoring subjects. I watched as the Royal Family entered the church and sat down. And there we were. All of us. Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Awaiting the moment when we would see the Bride.
The Dress. The Flowers. The Jewelry. The Beauty.
The Commoner who was going to become Royalty before our eyes.
For that one moment, Royalty and Dignitaries and Commoners alike were all in the same boat: Waiting.
The moment I first saw the Bride -- I saw perfection.
The Dress was perfect. Her hair was perfect. Her flowers were perfect. Her Jewelry was perfect. Her Beauty was unmatched. She was the epitome of what a Bride should be.
White.
Spotless.
Pure.
Beautiful.
And yet, she was still a Commoner. Chosen by Royalty to become part of the Royal Family. She was driving to the church as a Commoner. She would leave a Royal. What a crazy and mind-bending thought.
Tonight as I folded our laundry, I thought about the Royal wedding. I thought about the idea of a Commoner becoming Royalty in a manner of moments.
And then it hit me. One day the Church will be that Bride. We are the BRIDE of Christ. He is our Groom.
We are the Commoner that was chosen to become part of the Royal Family.
One day we will be joined together with Him forever. We will be the pure, spotless, pure, beautiful bride who everyone is waiting with baited breath to catch a glimpse of.
I want to be the most Beautiful Bride that He deserves. What am I doing to prepare myself for my big day? Am I spending time with Him? Am I making sure that I be the best I can be for Him? Am I making sure that I am adorning myself with the things He finds beautiful? What kind of Bride am I preparing to be?
Ephesians 5:21-33
Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
It's not everyday that a real life fairy-tale makes its way onto your Television set. I watched the crowds surge with excitement. I watched the arrivals of dignitaries and celebrities to the church. I watched the self-assured groom drive through the crowded streets and carry himself up the long aisle to wait for his Bride. I watched the flower girls and boys walk in -- obviously not aware of how many people were watching their every move. I watched as the Royal Family drove through the streets -- waving at their adoring subjects. I watched as the Royal Family entered the church and sat down. And there we were. All of us. Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Awaiting the moment when we would see the Bride.
The Dress. The Flowers. The Jewelry. The Beauty.
The Commoner who was going to become Royalty before our eyes.
For that one moment, Royalty and Dignitaries and Commoners alike were all in the same boat: Waiting.
The moment I first saw the Bride -- I saw perfection.
The Dress was perfect. Her hair was perfect. Her flowers were perfect. Her Jewelry was perfect. Her Beauty was unmatched. She was the epitome of what a Bride should be.
White.
Spotless.
Pure.
Beautiful.
And yet, she was still a Commoner. Chosen by Royalty to become part of the Royal Family. She was driving to the church as a Commoner. She would leave a Royal. What a crazy and mind-bending thought.
Tonight as I folded our laundry, I thought about the Royal wedding. I thought about the idea of a Commoner becoming Royalty in a manner of moments.
And then it hit me. One day the Church will be that Bride. We are the BRIDE of Christ. He is our Groom.
We are the Commoner that was chosen to become part of the Royal Family.
One day we will be joined together with Him forever. We will be the pure, spotless, pure, beautiful bride who everyone is waiting with baited breath to catch a glimpse of.
I want to be the most Beautiful Bride that He deserves. What am I doing to prepare myself for my big day? Am I spending time with Him? Am I making sure that I be the best I can be for Him? Am I making sure that I am adorning myself with the things He finds beautiful? What kind of Bride am I preparing to be?
Ephesians 5:21-33
Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
3.20.2011
Dreams
So I recently dreamed something rather disturbing.
I was getting ready for work in my bathroom and randomnly noticed that there was a lump in my breast. I called the Dr. and made an appointment. After I arrived at the Dr. they started to examine me and decided right then and there to do surgery.
As the surgery progressed, I was awake and saw the reason they had decided to operate on me immediately. They had found a large, black, malignant tumor and it had overtaken my body to the point that it needed to be removed that instant for fear of it spreading.
I woke up from the dream, knowing full well that it was just a dream -- but it was one of those things that just sticks with you throughout the day.
A few days passed and I kinda let it go. Until I did a little dream research online. Come to find out ... Dreaming about the Female chest represents our Mothering Nature. To dream that one has cancer signifies hopelessness and grief in an area. When I first read that, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my sub-conscious was bringing my helplessness and grief about my past infertility to the forefront of my brain.
I was stunned. I really thought I had worked through a lot of that hurt and anger and helpless feelings. I had come to a place in my life where I really was okay with how everything worked out and I was really okay if I never did get pregnant. I actually was kinda bummed that my sub-conscious was saying otherwise.
HOWEVER ... as I continued to read ... one sentence brought it all home.
To dream that you are being TREATED for Cancer ... shows that you have a positive change in that area and you have resolved some of the past issues.
It was a very liberating moment for me. I truly am free!!! Even my sub-conscious knows it!
Yes there is a part of me that grieved and hurt and died. But I have been treated by the Ultimate Healer and he has brought greater joy and such positive changes -- I could not ask for more.
Just thought I would share ...
I was getting ready for work in my bathroom and randomnly noticed that there was a lump in my breast. I called the Dr. and made an appointment. After I arrived at the Dr. they started to examine me and decided right then and there to do surgery.
As the surgery progressed, I was awake and saw the reason they had decided to operate on me immediately. They had found a large, black, malignant tumor and it had overtaken my body to the point that it needed to be removed that instant for fear of it spreading.
I woke up from the dream, knowing full well that it was just a dream -- but it was one of those things that just sticks with you throughout the day.
A few days passed and I kinda let it go. Until I did a little dream research online. Come to find out ... Dreaming about the Female chest represents our Mothering Nature. To dream that one has cancer signifies hopelessness and grief in an area. When I first read that, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my sub-conscious was bringing my helplessness and grief about my past infertility to the forefront of my brain.
I was stunned. I really thought I had worked through a lot of that hurt and anger and helpless feelings. I had come to a place in my life where I really was okay with how everything worked out and I was really okay if I never did get pregnant. I actually was kinda bummed that my sub-conscious was saying otherwise.
HOWEVER ... as I continued to read ... one sentence brought it all home.
To dream that you are being TREATED for Cancer ... shows that you have a positive change in that area and you have resolved some of the past issues.
It was a very liberating moment for me. I truly am free!!! Even my sub-conscious knows it!
Yes there is a part of me that grieved and hurt and died. But I have been treated by the Ultimate Healer and he has brought greater joy and such positive changes -- I could not ask for more.
Just thought I would share ...
3.07.2011
Light Up The Sky ~ The Afters
When I’m feeling all alone and so far to go
The signs are nowhere on this road guiding me home
When the night is closing in
It’s falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don’t feel them shining
When I can’t see beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I’ve almost reached the end
Like a flood You’re rushing in
Love is rushing in
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
So I run straight to Your arms
You’re the bright and morning Sun
To show Your love, there’s nothing You won’t do
Light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You are with me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You are with me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LQH6UDi15s
The signs are nowhere on this road guiding me home
When the night is closing in
It’s falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don’t feel them shining
When I can’t see beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I’ve almost reached the end
Like a flood You’re rushing in
Love is rushing in
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
So I run straight to Your arms
You’re the bright and morning Sun
To show Your love, there’s nothing You won’t do
Light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You are with me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You are with me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LQH6UDi15s
1.18.2011
Waiting in the Wings
Sitting in the waiting room. Of my life. Again. The difference this time, however, is that I have the past triumph of my miracle boy to spur me on to patience.
A little over a year ago, I started making my request known to the Lord that I was wanting to add to our family. Again. I asked, I prayed, I requested. This went on for about a month.
I was in a time of prayer and again requesting a new addition. Trying to figure out what the next step should be. I heard a still, small voice silence my inner-dialogue.
I was not to ask anymore.
I was not to question anymore.
My request had been heard.
He was on it.
In HIS time.
It would be perfect.
I did not need to worry anymore.
And from that moment on, I realized that He knew my heart's desire.
There is nothing more frustrating than to be questioned over and over and over for something by your child that you cannot make happen at that moment. It's usually only because it's TRULY not the right time for what they are asking or you do not have the physical things needed TO give it to them.
I truly feel like God was telling me -- It is not time. The pieces are not in place. And when He sees that it is time and the pieces are available to Him -- He will come through. He always does. I always try to come through for my son -- no matter the cost to me. How much more does He love me?
7-11"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better? Matthew 7:11 (The Message)
A little over a year ago, I started making my request known to the Lord that I was wanting to add to our family. Again. I asked, I prayed, I requested. This went on for about a month.
I was in a time of prayer and again requesting a new addition. Trying to figure out what the next step should be. I heard a still, small voice silence my inner-dialogue.
I was not to ask anymore.
I was not to question anymore.
My request had been heard.
He was on it.
In HIS time.
It would be perfect.
I did not need to worry anymore.
And from that moment on, I realized that He knew my heart's desire.
There is nothing more frustrating than to be questioned over and over and over for something by your child that you cannot make happen at that moment. It's usually only because it's TRULY not the right time for what they are asking or you do not have the physical things needed TO give it to them.
I truly feel like God was telling me -- It is not time. The pieces are not in place. And when He sees that it is time and the pieces are available to Him -- He will come through. He always does. I always try to come through for my son -- no matter the cost to me. How much more does He love me?
7-11"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better? Matthew 7:11 (The Message)
The thing is I know God listened to me. I know that He wants me to trust Him.
The reason I am so sure is because after that time of prayer, one of my friends came up to me and said, "I just want you to know that my mom and I were praying for you to be blessed with another child. Don't know if you are ready or not -- but I just felt like I was supposed to tell you that." To which I smiled, nodded some thanks and looked up at the heavens with an "I get it, I get it" grin.
Just another day on my journey to meet my sweet, bundle of something ...
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