Dirt Path Beginnings

This morning I woke up in a funk.
I was mopey and sad and couldn't put my finger on the reason.
Even my dear Hubby commented that I looked upset.
I had not even realized that I was showcasing all the glumness until he mentioned it.

Yesterday, I was around a bunch of babies.
I love babies.
I LOVE THEM!
However, when you are waiting for another baby to come -- sometimes the aftermath of no new, sweet bundle of baby in your arms can remind you of that big hole somewhere in your heart.

So there I was.
Perched on the tub.
Bottom lip puckered out.
Moping in my laments.

B tried to cheer me up with a pep talk and sweet encouragements.
I just nodded.

I know that SOMEWHERE down deep - he is right.
I don't need to worry.
Everything will work out.
It will be another amazing story of God's promise fulfilled.
But I was still melancholy.

Then, I blurted ou:

"I almost feel like I am walking down this old dirt path -
kicking stones -
because it's hot on this trail.
I am at the beginning of this loooong journey
- to who knows where???
And even though I have left the place I started -
I still got a long ways to go!"

And then I felt God say:
"But at least you are outside!!!"


***FLASHBACK TO MY JUNE 3rd POST***


And then I just laughed. I started laughing!

I AM OUTSIDE!!!

I AM OUT OF THE HOUSE!

THE SCREEN DOOR HAS SLAMMED BEHIND ME AND

I


AM


OUTSIDE!!!!!!



And isn't that just like a human?

We can't wait to get outside,
and then when we get there -
it's hot
and dusty
and a lot farther path to take than what we thought
on the inside.

I told B God's gentle reminder.
I repented of MY humanity -
for being a never-content child of God.
And the rest of the day, I smiled.

In my mind, I turned around on the dirt path -
noticed the house wasn't even that far behind me -
yelled a "Thank you!!!" to God -
And turned around to keep walking.


The journey has begun.
I am outside the house.
The screen door has closed behind me.
I am on my way to that beautiful place He has for me.

5.

5.

Starting to Lose Teeth.

Half-Way Through the First Decade.

Using All the Fingers on One Hand.

Yet, Still So Young.



5.

Taller than the Table.

Taller Than Momma's Hips.

Big Enough To Ride A Bike.

Yet, Still A Lap-Cuddler.


5.

Strong Ideas for What He Wants.

Strong Ideas for What He Likes.

Strong Ideas that Sometimes are Hard to Express.

Yet, Still Figuring Out So Much.


5.

Best 5 Years Ever.

Best 60 Months Ever.

Best Beautiful Son Ever.

Yet, Always My Baby Boy.


Happy 5th Birthday, Son!
You are My PRECIOUS JOY!!

I Love You!
From Now, Until ...

Growed Up Me

Some mornings as I quietly pad around my kitchen and brew my coffee,
I look around my house and think,
"How did I get here?
This is SO much better than I could have ever imagined."

Some days I want to go back to 15 year old Stacy and say:
"Your life will be better than you could ever imagine in 17 years!
Don't take yourself so seriously,
breathe a bit more
and forget the haters."

But I doubt I would listen to myself.
And would I be here if I hadn't been so uptight?
and not been scarred by those haters?

Maybe all that crazy worrying of 15 year old Stacy
got me to the Zen place of 32 year old Stacy.

I know people have said that everything works together for good
... But it really does.
And as someone looking back at their life right now,
I see that it actually works out BETTER than good.
It works out to amazingness!

So hold on 15 year old Stacy!
You are doing just fine
and life just gets better and better
Than you can even imagine!

I wonder what 70 year old Stacy would say about that?

Worst Day Better

So I had a bad day today.

One of those days where you cry the entire way home from work ... Even though your 4 year old is sitting in the back.

One of those days where you realize you are making a wrong turn and instead of just laughing it off - you cry even harder .... Even though your 4 year old is sitting in the back.

One of those days that when you hear someone's voice on the other end of the phone - you can't even talk because you are crying so hard... Even though your 4 year old is in the back.

And then ... from the 4 year old in the back:

"Mommy? Here! (passes me a Smartie)

What's wrong? If you are still sad about school, you just need to not think about it! You aren't there right now! That's what I do ... and then I forget about it forever. Get your mind off of it. Look!!!!! The sun is shining through the clouds! Isn't that pretty?"

My worst day just got better ... From a 4 year old in the back.

Orange Chicken Vacation & Arrows

I read this book by John Eldridge awhile back ... more like years back. It was called "The Sacred Romance". It changed my life.

One of the chapters addressed how things happen to you in your life and they are like an arrow that shoots into your soul - creating a wound.

And then it seems like once you have this, any hurts that happen to you will continue to deepen this original wound until you have a very deep, painful wound that a lot of your hurts can be traced back to.

I have one of those arrows wounds.

And boy oh boy, just when I thought that this wound had been dealt with and healed and moved on from ... I realize I was wrong.

It is back with a vengeance - strangely brought on by a vacation in paradise and a post vacation meal of Orange Chicken.


But I know that this time around this is just a wound.
I won't be downtrodden.
I will choose to RISE!


"Rise"

[Chorus]
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true

[Chorus]
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise

[Chorus]
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Thank you Shawn McDonald for some lyrics to cling to.
Especially on vacation and in the midst of my Orange Chicken meal.