Momma Woes

One minute, you are worried that you are being too hard on your child.
The next minute you are worried that you aren't being hard enough.

It is the constant battle that all women go through: I am too much. I am not enough.
(Thank you Beth Moore for that nugget of truth!)

I know that there will come a day when he will question everything that B and I did for him.
I just want him to know that we tried our best.
That we sought God a lot.
That we loved him -- even during spankings.
That every decision about him - up to this point- has been prayed over, wrangled with and discussed at length.
We want the best for him.
We want God's best for him.
There have been sleepless nights of worry.
There have been sleep filled nights of dreams of the future.

Someone once said that having a child is like watching your heart walk around the world. I never really understood that phrase-- until now.

Friday he starts pre-school. Big Boy school.

Today I spent an hour at Target buying supplies. I scrambled for Crayola Markers and Crayons. I shuffled through the folders at Target finding the perfect 2-pocket folders. I bought pencils. I labeled everything. Including his Spiderman underwear. (Just in case of an accident!) And I worried.

But - there does not need to be sleepless nights.
I pray for sleep filled nights of dreams unfolding.

I keep repeating:

We are trying our best.
We sought God.
We love him.
We want the best for him.
We want God's best for him.

It's too much. It's not enough.

It's just my heart --
walking around the Earth --
with mongrammed Spiderman underwear.

Geeesh ... How am I going to handle college?

Christmas FUN

So I know this is about a week late ... but these days, it is better late than never.

Christmas Eve was so special this year. We went to church, Brad made his famous Shrimp 'N Grits for dinner and we were geared up for homemade cinnamon rolls and egg casserole in the morning. He had opened up his pre-Christmas present - Monkey Christmas Pajamas - and was settling in for his night's sleep.

While he was getting ready for bed though, he looked over at Brad and I in all seriousness and said:

"OH! I need to get my boots out by my door so when I hear the Polar Express, I can just put them on."
10 minutes later:
"Daddy? Can I wear these socks with my boots?"
5 minutes later:
"I can just wear these pajamas on the Polar Express. Everyone else will be wearing them too."

And this was his Christmas Eve prayer:

"God, I love you.
Please let Santa come and bring presents.
Please let me hear the Polar Express.
Please make it snow.
I love you.
Amen."


We knew that putting presents under the tree was going to happen.
We had already told him that snow was not going to happen -- even in Michigan! The only thing that truly broke my heart was the Polar Express thing. Luckily, Aunt Nanu had the brilliant idea to write a letter to him from the P.E. people explaining that the train was not working this year and that they had left him an electric train instead. (which was already going to be set out under the tree). Christmas morning, Brad and I heard him rustling around upstairs and so Brad hurried out to the living room, turned on the tree and the train. Then he ran back to our room to wait for MTM to come back down.

M burst through the door:
"MOMMY!!! DADDY!!! SANTA BROUGHT PRESENTS!!! AND A CHOO CHOO TRAIN!!!" :)

Christmas Time is Here

Let the hilarious quotes begin:

"Mommy, is the Polar Express going to come this year? It never came last year. I never hear-ed it."


"OOOOH!!! I 'member those things!!!" (While pointing to the ornaments as we trimmed the tree together.)


"Mommy!!! It is VERY, VERY pretty in here. VERY!"


Me: "So whose birthday do we celebrate at Christmas?"
M: "Ummmmm ... Santa's?"
Me: (Silently screaming "Uh-oh!!")

then, after a reading of the Bible and talking about the true meaning:

Me: "So who is this little baby laying on the manger?"
M: "That's God. He's a baby."
Me: "Welllll...." (Silently, "How am I gonna' explain this one?")

Precious Moments

My favorite time of night is right before dinner when the sun is lower in the sky and casting all kinds of beautiful sunbeams into my kitchen nook.

The blinds tilt the light shafts and there are always a few rows of warmth crawling across my kitchen floor -- reaching for something.

Most nights, this is when we choose to sit down for dinner. And most nights, I close the blinds so that one of us is not blinded by the brightness. But tonight, for whatever reason, I did not close the blinds.

When I looked across the table at my little man - (who had just said: "What's for dinner? FISH?!? OOOOOOH!!! I LIKE fish! But I'm gonna call it chicken nuggets tonight, okay?") - the light was perfectly dancing across his silky black hair, causing his hazel eyes to sparkle in the dazzling light, and showcasing his sweetly soft skin. In that moment, he looked across the table and gave me a small, yet totally genuine smile.

It made me thank God for the sunlight and for M. Thankful that I can be his Mommy. Thankful that I have moments where I still look at him with wonder - even after the "trainable twos". Thankful that he is so sweet. Thankful that I can share these moments.

Tonight MTM and I were coloring. (We do art pretty much everyday after school)

He was telling me that him and his Daddy had gone to "the Star restaurant" (aka: Hardee's) for breakfast.

I said, "Wow! He is such a good daddy!"

He replied, "Yes. And you are a good Mommy. A really good Mommy."

LOVE
THAT
KID!