The Scariest Thing I Will Ever Do ...

Being a parent is one of the scariest things I have ever done.

No. Scratch that.

Being a parent IS the scariest thing I have ever done.

I wasn't scared when I married B. I knew I loved him. I knew he loved me. We were awesome together. It was GOING to work.

Parenting doesn't work like that.

You receive this little bundle in your arms. And there you sit. Staring at each other with blank expressions. Wondering how it's all gonna' pan out. Hoping and praying it DOES pan out!

For the first few weeks of M's life, I constantly asked B, "Do you think he likes us? Do you think he likes us? Do you REALLY think he LIKES us?" I will never forget the first time I got a smile out of the little man. I exclaimed, "HE LIKES ME!!! HE REALLY REALLY LIKES ME!!!" It was one of the moments in life where you want to run around like a champion and scream out how awesome you are. (Note to self: Remember this story when teenage M is running around telling me he, in fact, does NOT love me, much less like me!!!)


I have realized though, that even WHEN M looks me square in the eyes, tells me he hates me and wants nothing to do with me -- it will not change my love for him. It will not change the fact that I still love that stinky boy-- for all he ever was and ever will become. It will not change the fact that my love will not waver-- despite what he ever does to hurt or disappoint me. I LOVE HIM!!! THAT will never change.

What an amazing picture of how God views us, His children!

Since becoming a Mommy, there have been moments where I have realized that God is truly the perfect parent to us. He always know what to say, what not to say, when to give us what we want, and when to just put our temper-tantrum-ing self to bed with no dinner! He is truly predictable in his unpredictability and (to us humans) unpredictable in his predictability.

I am constantly striving to be a better parent. I read all the latest parenting books. I make sure my son is "on track" and learning what he needs to. But, I'm not going to stop there. I don't want to parent only how Dr. Spock or the latest craze tells me to parent.

I am constantly striving to be a Godly parent. Not just trying to overcome my fears, flaws and failures by reflecting God's work in my life. (The Good Lord knows I have had MORE than a few of these rack up, even in these 2 1/2 short years) But be a Godly parent by actually pointing M to the most perfect parent He could ever meet-- God Himself. The One who can fill all the empty places me and B leave open. The One who has been there when He has gotten made fun of or rejected. The One who can answer those deep, gut-wrenching questions that would leave me standing there in silence. The One who will be predictably unpredictable. The One who will be unpredictably predictable. The ONLY One who can show Him what a perfect parent truly is.

And maybe someday when M shows up at our house with our first grandbaby and asks "Do you think she likes me?? Do you REALLY think she LIKES me?", I can smile and know that he finally understands why parenting is the scariest thing he will EVER do!!!!