With me

The last week has been one of the strangest weeks.
I am waiting for some randomly taken test results.

I really don't think there will be a bad outcome.
But there is always second-guessing.
So here I sit.
At times a complete head-case.
I waffle between having complete and total peace
and being on the brink of panic.

In my moments of panic, I am in my bed, crying and fretting;
On the phone, talking with my family;
nibbling my fingernails;
meandering through the internet to "escape".

But in my moments of peace -- it goes so much deeper.
My moments of peace are full of God.
He is there.
With me.

I remember:
God has promised so much to me and I believe Him.
I trust Him.
From the depths of my heart --
I trust him more than anything else that exists.
He has always been there.
With me.

I really do believe
that even if all collapses around me,
He will be there in the rubble,
directing me how to pick up the broken pieces of my life.
He will be there.
With me.

One thing I learned while going through all my infertility
is that I am not supposed to question God.
His plans are always greater than ours.
His plans are always better than ours.
His plans are always so much more amazing than ours.
Ironically, my son's name means "Who is Like God?"
(To which I always reply, "Apparently not me!")
He was there all the time.
With me.

As I sat in the waiting room this week,
waiting for the initial procedure,
I pictured God,
With me.

As I was in the room,
being poked and prodded,
I knew he was there,
With me.

As I got home,
in pain,
I felt God,
With me.

No matter what happens,
He was there.
He is there.
He will be there.
With me.



Psalm 73:23-28

23 Yet, I am always with you.
You hold on to my right hand.
24 With your advice you guide me,
and in the end you will take me to glory.
25 As long as I have you,
I don’t need anyone else in heaven or on earth.
26 My body and mind may waste away,
but God remains the foundation of my life
and my inheritance forever.
27 Without a doubt, those who are far from you will die.
You destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28 Being united with God is my highest good.
I have made the Almighty Lord my refuge
so that I may report everything that he has done.