Momma Woes

One minute, you are worried that you are being too hard on your child.
The next minute you are worried that you aren't being hard enough.

It is the constant battle that all women go through: I am too much. I am not enough.
(Thank you Beth Moore for that nugget of truth!)

I know that there will come a day when he will question everything that B and I did for him.
I just want him to know that we tried our best.
That we sought God a lot.
That we loved him -- even during spankings.
That every decision about him - up to this point- has been prayed over, wrangled with and discussed at length.
We want the best for him.
We want God's best for him.
There have been sleepless nights of worry.
There have been sleep filled nights of dreams of the future.

Someone once said that having a child is like watching your heart walk around the world. I never really understood that phrase-- until now.

Friday he starts pre-school. Big Boy school.

Today I spent an hour at Target buying supplies. I scrambled for Crayola Markers and Crayons. I shuffled through the folders at Target finding the perfect 2-pocket folders. I bought pencils. I labeled everything. Including his Spiderman underwear. (Just in case of an accident!) And I worried.

But - there does not need to be sleepless nights.
I pray for sleep filled nights of dreams unfolding.

I keep repeating:

We are trying our best.
We sought God.
We love him.
We want the best for him.
We want God's best for him.

It's too much. It's not enough.

It's just my heart --
walking around the Earth --
with mongrammed Spiderman underwear.

Geeesh ... How am I going to handle college?