Mommydom

I waited a long time to be a Mommy. 27 years of my life and 7 years of my marriage.

There were certain times I thought I would never hold a precious baby in my arms.

I wept. I cried. I mourned. I grieved.

But no matter what I ever did, the one thing that I had wanted to be my ENTIRE life was beyond my reach and grasp and I really had no way to make my desires a true reality.

I vividly remember one day laying down on the carpet of our spare bedroom and crying for over an hour. I prayed and cried and questioned and prayed. It was earnest and honest and altogether painful time. 

Months passed. Years passed. Despair was an ever present monster that I wrestled constantly. Battling it away and praying for hope. Any hope. Just a small, sliver of hope to combat the despair that seemed to slowly be sucking the life, hope, and future out of me.

And then, hope came. The small sliver of light that hope dawned on my dark and weary heart made me realize that God was still listening to me. God still cared about me. God still had me engraved on the Palm of His hand ... and he was just WAITING for the perfect time to bring me the answer.

Amazingly, the answer came in an unexpected, but welcomed way. A baby boy who has been the biggest miracle I have ever experienced. To be able and watch his story unfold has been truly amazing.

There are days I want to go back to the Me on the spare bedroom floor and pick my tear-stained face off the carpet and tell myself that it will all work out BETTER than you could have ever imagined it to! But there is a joy in the journey. Strength comes in the toiling. Hope is sweeter when it defeats despair.

Happy 3rd Birthday son! You are truly my miracle baby!!!